We’re walking the path of discipleship together. Our burdens are not all the same shape or size. But where is the benefit, the goodness, the godliness, of evaluating exactly who has the heavier and harder load as if we are in competition with each other? Please, let’s not do that
Thank you for this. As a gay celibate man myself, it’s v useful to have reminders to not put myself above straight single people, to not think my struggles are worse. I think it’s valuable to talk about the ways our difficulties are different, but grief is grief. In some respect I feel I’ve had it easier somewhat to process the grief of my celibacy cus ive known for certain that I ain’t never gonna marry, have kids etc. since I was 15. Ofc I found that v difficult, but knowing that was what was gonna happen for sure allowed me to be more at peace with it I think. In contrast, as you described, some of the straight single people I’ve known have said that they found it v difficult that they didn’t know if they’d ever married, the fact that was always a possibility made it harder to process. My point is not to say I’ve had it easier and straight single people have it harder (or vice versa for that matter) but rather that it’s okay and good to recognise that our difficulties are different, have different dynamics. Different people experience these difficulties in different ways, some people find some aspects easier and some aspects harder, but what’s relevant is that we should, as you articulated, shoulder each others burdens, in love and discipleship and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit
I've seen a number of posts/articles which express the same outlook as the one Dani has quoted.
What baffles me is the incongruity of believing that God did me wrong in giving me those desires AND that God will reward me more for my "sacrifice." If God is so fallible as to assign you the wrong desires, on what basis can you trust that God can and will recompense your "sacrifice"? Or does the cross represent God's apology to humanity? Either way, the universe seemingly must revolve around me, my griefs, my rights, and my needs. I think that's what makes these comments so tragic.
Wow Dani, you expressed single Christian's grief so well! Thank you for taking the time to pour your heart out here. May God help us all to be faithful to Him whatever comes.
Thank you, there is a lot the glean from your writing.
I really appreciate what you have written here, and your articulation of the grief of unwanted hetero-sexual singleness. Quite regularly I'm climbing the walls with the intensity of internal pain, and having to daily offer it all to God. Coming up 6 years single due to unwanted divorce.
Is it "OK" in today's climate to discuss the disparity between the sexes though? I want to be fair and fully bless our brothers who are waiting for the right wife, but there does seem to be a serious difference statistically between men who really want to get married and women who do. Have you ever discussed or written about this or do you think it unhelpful? Elisabeth Elliot used to talk about it quite frankly and believed single Christian men have a responsibility to get married. (He he) Bless xx
Thanks Dani good reminder we are all on the same footing, at the moment feels like I am being daily reminded that I need my single friends - good Godly intimacy that will continue into eternity (feels all the more sharper being in a MOM😜)
This is really helpful, Dani! Looking forward to seeing you in Perth soon.