When I read a heading from you of: "Well, This is a Little Awkward..." I anticipate the story to identify how a Prince Charming swept you off your feet; the wedding scheduled for late November.
Thanks Dani. I really appreciate your thorough exploration. I'd love to explore a bit more the idea of marriage as first ministry.
I'm in broad agreement with what you've said and Simon's article: the relationship between familial and congregational responsibilities are quite complex in scripture and in practice, and that there are dangers in being reductionistic and creating simple slogans. I think I also agree that they are two responsibilities laid side by side, but I really think the relationship between the two needs careful nuance and precision.
This is because scripture both:
1) highlights to the significance of belonging to the people of God and the significance of this moment of salvation history to urge proper attention given to the family of God (e.g. Jesus’ own family, Mark 3:31-24, prioritising kingdom work in the travel narrative Luke 9:59-62, the division Christ brings Luke 12:52-53, hating mother or father 14:26 [or loving Jesus more Matt 10:37), living as though unmarried 1 Cor 7:29, etc.)
2) and also 2) highlights the significance of created familial relationships to urge proper attention given to blood relations *even as a member of the family of God* (e.g. Jesus submits to own parents Luke 2:51 and ensures his mother is cared for even as he dies John 19:26-27, Jesus critiques the pharisees for getting around honouring parents through [apparent] devotion to God Mark 7:9-13, Paul navigating widow care speaks of a priority of godliness to own household 1 Tim 5:3-4 as well as a secondary priority of relatives and primary priority of own household in v8).
So there is a complex tension to be sure, but scripture doesn’t seem to flatten these into two parallel and equal responsibilities, or at least in a way that one can override the other – I think you and Simon would both agree with that.
But also, I think we do need to wrestle with the nature of being one flesh. This is, as you point out, a covenant between husband and wife, it that means there is something distinct about that relationship, which Malachi points to in order to critique the people of his day (Mal 2:15, though I appreciate there’s more going on in this passage). So, even though Paul calls all believers to love like Christ (Eph 5:1-2), there is a further and particular motivation for and description of the husband's exercise of this general command to his wife, which is the one flesh nature that points to the loving union of Christ to his church (Eph 5:28). Furthermore, for those elders who are married, because of the nature of family and of church labour, there is a correlation between how one cares for blood family and how one care for God’s church, which I don’t think is reversible (1 Tim 3:4-5, 12).
What does this mean. I’m not sure yet! That’s why I’d like to keep exploring it. As a start, I think it means it’s complex and requires wisdom and communication to fulfil both responsibilities faithfully before God. But if we set up a ‘trolley problem’ for it, I'm thinking it means if there was a family crisis and church crisis of equal proportions and significance and someone could only choose one, I suspect the blood family would take precedence. I’m not committed to that, but that’s where I’m leaning.
Do you have further thoughts? I’d love to hear some more of your reflections.
My response is both to this article (and the follow up).
I absolutely agree that the meme should be called out; that what it states about marriage is wrong but also unhelpful (to husband, wife and single people). It makes an idol of marriage.
I mostly agree with your response, except to say that I do think that there is a unique call for love in the marriage covenant. Perhaps “better” is not the best word for it (!) but I think it is still an appropriate word. I am in no way offended by your assessment.
Finally, I couldn’t stomach all of Vaughan’s article; and it wasn’t even directed at me.
What grace we still need to learn as Christian brothers and sisters and God’s fellow image bearers.
Thankful for your continued thoughtfulness and grace.
how i shutter to realize, i used to think this way. if only we could be bolder to say, Love Jesus more than anyone or anything! Thank you for pointing out the over simplification.
When I read a heading from you of: "Well, This is a Little Awkward..." I anticipate the story to identify how a Prince Charming swept you off your feet; the wedding scheduled for late November.
Thanks Dani. I really appreciate your thorough exploration. I'd love to explore a bit more the idea of marriage as first ministry.
I'm in broad agreement with what you've said and Simon's article: the relationship between familial and congregational responsibilities are quite complex in scripture and in practice, and that there are dangers in being reductionistic and creating simple slogans. I think I also agree that they are two responsibilities laid side by side, but I really think the relationship between the two needs careful nuance and precision.
This is because scripture both:
1) highlights to the significance of belonging to the people of God and the significance of this moment of salvation history to urge proper attention given to the family of God (e.g. Jesus’ own family, Mark 3:31-24, prioritising kingdom work in the travel narrative Luke 9:59-62, the division Christ brings Luke 12:52-53, hating mother or father 14:26 [or loving Jesus more Matt 10:37), living as though unmarried 1 Cor 7:29, etc.)
2) and also 2) highlights the significance of created familial relationships to urge proper attention given to blood relations *even as a member of the family of God* (e.g. Jesus submits to own parents Luke 2:51 and ensures his mother is cared for even as he dies John 19:26-27, Jesus critiques the pharisees for getting around honouring parents through [apparent] devotion to God Mark 7:9-13, Paul navigating widow care speaks of a priority of godliness to own household 1 Tim 5:3-4 as well as a secondary priority of relatives and primary priority of own household in v8).
So there is a complex tension to be sure, but scripture doesn’t seem to flatten these into two parallel and equal responsibilities, or at least in a way that one can override the other – I think you and Simon would both agree with that.
But also, I think we do need to wrestle with the nature of being one flesh. This is, as you point out, a covenant between husband and wife, it that means there is something distinct about that relationship, which Malachi points to in order to critique the people of his day (Mal 2:15, though I appreciate there’s more going on in this passage). So, even though Paul calls all believers to love like Christ (Eph 5:1-2), there is a further and particular motivation for and description of the husband's exercise of this general command to his wife, which is the one flesh nature that points to the loving union of Christ to his church (Eph 5:28). Furthermore, for those elders who are married, because of the nature of family and of church labour, there is a correlation between how one cares for blood family and how one care for God’s church, which I don’t think is reversible (1 Tim 3:4-5, 12).
What does this mean. I’m not sure yet! That’s why I’d like to keep exploring it. As a start, I think it means it’s complex and requires wisdom and communication to fulfil both responsibilities faithfully before God. But if we set up a ‘trolley problem’ for it, I'm thinking it means if there was a family crisis and church crisis of equal proportions and significance and someone could only choose one, I suspect the blood family would take precedence. I’m not committed to that, but that’s where I’m leaning.
Do you have further thoughts? I’d love to hear some more of your reflections.
This is great, Dani. Super helpful.
My response is both to this article (and the follow up).
I absolutely agree that the meme should be called out; that what it states about marriage is wrong but also unhelpful (to husband, wife and single people). It makes an idol of marriage.
I mostly agree with your response, except to say that I do think that there is a unique call for love in the marriage covenant. Perhaps “better” is not the best word for it (!) but I think it is still an appropriate word. I am in no way offended by your assessment.
Finally, I couldn’t stomach all of Vaughan’s article; and it wasn’t even directed at me.
What grace we still need to learn as Christian brothers and sisters and God’s fellow image bearers.
Thankful for your continued thoughtfulness and grace.
how i shutter to realize, i used to think this way. if only we could be bolder to say, Love Jesus more than anyone or anything! Thank you for pointing out the over simplification.
Thank you, that's a really good article. I helped me getting clearer on this issue.
Your work was profitable for me, Thank you for your time writing it.